I had the honor of speaking with my good friend Steve Sullivan. Being parents in this era is certainly a difficult task as we have to balance the work view with the view of a much more moral world that’s somehow lost its value.
Steve and I talk about what it means to be a gentleman, what values and virtues can be found in a person that displays ultimate kindness.
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Junaid Ahmed 0:00
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Last episode, we got to speak with David Calvert, fellow podcaster author and a LinkedIn local host of the North Carolina area. But for now let's take a listen to Steve Sullivan.
And this episode, we get to talk to Steve Sullivan. He's into healthcare IT and he's a father of four kids. Today's topic, we're going to get into some really deep conversation. So Steve, let's start us off. Welcome to the podcast.
Steve Sullivan 1:29
Thank you. Glad to be here today.
Let's talk about something dear to my heart. In terms of what does it mean to be a gentleman you know, as I look around at society today, I see a lot of dysfunction going on a lot of situations where boys are growing up and follow us homes. And there's a lack of male
leadership to teach the next generation how to be true gentleman, and the way that they relate to women and the world around them. And having been a father of four, three boys and a daughter, you know, it, it was always important to me that my son learn these lessons, hey, what do we want to focus on?
Junaid Ahmed 2:22
Well, that that is a very awesome topic. And something that I think about many times, as well as I'm a father of three kids as well, I have two kids and one daughter, and I always tell my son, you know, you want to be respectful of others, you want to be, you know, focus on your actions, and do not say, Oh, my, my brother's doing this. So, I'm doing this as well, you know, tell them, hey, you're the older brother, you need to take responsibility. And the reason why I'm hard at him, you know, I'm hard and I am more strict with him is because I want him to build those characteristics of a good person. So what are your thoughts on I mean, you've raised three kids and one daughter,
Steve Sullivan 3:12
well, I, I totally agree with you that, you know, it comes to boys and teaching them how to be men, there is an element of being tough on them. Certainly, I was not that way with my daughter.
But with the sons, you want them to be successful and to be successful, they need to know how to relate to others in the world. And, you know, some of the things that I tried to teach my sons that I think are at the core of being a gentleman is, you know, first and foremost, to be aware of your surroundings, you know, don't just walk down the street focused on yourself look good around and see what's happening. Maybe there's a person that needs help getting across the street, maybe there is some but a woman who needs you to open a door so she can take her groceries inside. So to be a gentleman, you have to be aware of your surroundings, and what you might be able to do to make things better.
Junaid Ahmed 4:24
Now, that is absolutely right. That's absolutely true.
Steve Sullivan 4:27
And then secondly, you know, I emphasize to my son's gratitude, you need to know how to express gratitude towards others. And if you're in a dating or a relationship with a lady to understand how to express gratitude to them, you know it you know, a lot of men don't really know how to say thank you, they are hesitant to do it, or they are not on target with it. In other words, you know, saying something to your wife, like, thank you for doing my laundry. Yeah, that's expressing gratitude. But it's not really on target. Because the gratitude is focused on what you got out of this relationship and not on her as a person and building her up as a person.
So, you know, a better way to think that significant other is to say something like, Hey, I really appreciate how you smile and cheer me up when I'm down.
You've been with so much life that I'm so glad that you're in my life that will convey gratitude, as well as convey the importance to that person, that they are valuable. And so good gratitude has the end result of communicating value in the other person. Another another thing that I emphasize with my sons and it was an example of is being generous, you know, you we have a lot of stuff if we're successful in this world. And we need to feel free to share that wouldn't others and help others when we can, you know,
like, I can look back to college when I had a car, and one of my schoolmates was dating a woman in a college several miles away, and he wanted to go visit. And so I just said, Hey, you can take my car, and it was like, six hours away, go over there and spend some time with her. And he was really appreciative of that. And in the reality of that is, they ended up getting married, and he been married for, you know, over 30 years, and had a great life together. Wow. So you don't know where your generosity has been a lead. But a small thing like loaning something to somebody that if you don't get it back, can make a difference, so generous, to not
hoard and try and keep things to yourself. So I think true gentleman know how to do that, to be generous.
Junaid Ahmed 7:15
Yeah. And we, we see examples of generosity everywhere, especially if you look into the world, like a tree gives you fruits, it gives you shade gives you a lumber, right, so we see generosity and the world in the nature. So being humans and mimicking, that is, you know, it should come natural. But unfortunately, we're so we're living in a materialistic world where we've been taught by marketing that, you know, you've got to have the latest thing,
listening to this is marketing by Seth Godin recently, and he talks about how there's, there's the type of people that just want the new thing, they want the newest thing that they can get, and we are we were consumers and in such a way that we're just want those things for ourselves. And it's basically taking away the value of helping others from our life.
Steve Sullivan 8:25
Yeah, cuz you're right, the message convey is one of, you know, look out for yourself, get what you can get, make the most of that because everybody else is trying to do the same thing. And that's not necessarily true. There are people who understand the difference between doing only thing only things for themselves for the benefit and personal satisfaction and gain that they can have by helping others. And, you know, again, back to being a true true gentleman, you need to have a focus on helping others.
Junaid Ahmed 9:06
Absolutely. So how would somebody take an action and to, you know, starting to be that person, you,
Steve Sullivan 9:15
you certainly start with small steps mean. And again, back to what I said, of awareness, there are things happening around you all the time that you can take small steps towards in the office, you know, maybe you go to the printer, and you see, oh, you're to make has printed up something there, you pick it up, and you take it back to him, you got to try and be sensitive to the needs of others, and be able to read others and take the time to listen. And then there may be small things that you can do that will make a big difference to that person. And as you do those things, she'll only build within yourself a greater knowledge of how to help people and maybe how to then take some of those things like yeah, I really love helping the homeless to the level of how can I have a business that's directed towards helping the homeless,
Junaid Ahmed 10:18
absolutely. Now, those are some really, really good points. And the more see another thing that I hear a lot is empathy. And having that empathy into paying attention to your surrounding is a great value that also will help you be a better better person better gentleman that are human being
Steve Sullivan 10:44
Yeah, definitely. And and ultimately, you know, it comes to respect you know, learning how to respect others, you know, and this lesson of being a gentleman isn't just for guys you know, I talked with my daughter and I told her know when a guy asked to take you out if he shows up in his car knocks on the door and you come to the door and you step outside and immediately if he goes to his side of the car and leaves you standing there expecting that you're going to go to the passenger side don't move just stand there and wait and see if he gets a subtle clue that he's missing out on something which is hey this is my date I need to respect her so I should go get the car door for ensure that she's important and if if the guy doesn't wise up with them a little bit you know within a minute or two I've told my daughter just turn around go back inside shut the door and don't ever have anything else to do with that guy again. Wow. And you know women have that power to help mold guys learn to be more respectful yeah you know they just accept the the bad behavior guys
it's only going to promote more bad behavior by guys but if if you as a female demand that you are treated with respect you know guys will get the message it might be harder for some another especially those like you know, I mentioned maybe don't have a father to teach him some of these but you know if if there's any young man listening today who didn't have a father figure feel free to reach out to me or today
as fathers we want to help other men to learn these lessons.
Junaid Ahmed 12:38
Absolutely. What else what else do we have
Steve Sullivan 12:42
another another thing that I try and you know emphasize two guys in terms of being a gentleman a gentleman knows how to forgive and has a forgiving spirit you know in this world we're all going to make mistakes we're going to hurt one another each other but if if we hold those clutches we just create greater friction and hostility yeah where a gentleman understands that intro to be human is to air and to extend an element of forgiveness to another party so that you can put that event behind and move forward you know you've probably heard this said in terms of marriages you know never go to bed angry huh you know your your best yeah I haven't been when you're angry to sit down and talk it out
and come to a resolution then yeah hard ways not forgiving and angry that just fill
Junaid Ahmed 13:55
it so true I'm I'm I'm actually have done that before going to bed angry and it's not a good feeling at all i mean you know we've we've had on you know issues and you know we just we both go to bed angry and the next day you know we try to just shut shut it down and sometimes it's like who's going to make the first move of saying okay I'm sorry you know that should have mentioned have done happen and you know who's going to be the bigger person
Steve Sullivan 14:26
that's where today the gentleman steps for courageously Yeah. To be that person to ask for the apology for more than to extend yeah forgiveness yeah but not like I agree with you it's always a channel
Junaid Ahmed 14:45
it's not easy and and to you know, to face that you know, to accept the Kino Yeah, I was wrong. It's, it's hard and, and I do notice that, you know, some of the kids growing up, have trouble, you know, apologizing, you know, not, I'm not gonna apologize, you have that bravado you have that, you know, the arrogance. But But I've seen other people that you know, yes, there they're able to admit their apart, you know, an apology, apologize and admit their mistakes. So, yeah,
Steve Sullivan 15:18
yeah. Hey, concur with you. I think one of the damaging things in society today is this I'm a victim mentality. So if you go about life, adopting an idea that I'm a victim that somebody else's Romney, you're basically continuing to hold in anger or frustration that may or may not be legitimately directed. And the best thing is to learn how to forgive. So you can Yeah, find healing and move on to a better state. Absolutely, you know,
Junaid Ahmed 15:56
one thing arrow Ottoman mentioned it, he's, he runs, see the Facebook group, LinkedIn mastery, and he says that, you know, for
his, his method of taking life is taking Extreme Ownership. And he's giving examples, like, for example, if I get in an accident, where somebody hits me from behind, or whatever it is, he he's saying, you know, he needs to eat, it's not his fault that he got rear ended, but he said, you know, in the, in the method or in the methodology of taking Extreme Ownership, his response would have been, you know, I should have left five minutes earlier to avoid this accident. So, being in that mentality of taking Extreme Ownership and extreme responsibility, you know, make sense to taking responsibility and, you know, taking the first step to apologize and, and admitting the mistakes and being being totally open and honest about things
Steve Sullivan 17:07
guy like to remember actually a passage in the Bible that talks about love covers over a multitude of sin. You know, we're living in a sinful world, all of us make mistakes, and we received the impact of others. Yeah. sins in our lives. Yeah, we didn't ask for but you know, yeah, maybe they got trunk and then drove when they shouldn't, may hit your car. Yep,
we live with that. And the best thing we can do then, is to find a way to love into, in a sense, forgive and cover over that event with a positive outreach of sympathy and love that that makes us better people that are, you know, lifts up the poor guy who's maybe you know, drinking because he's got marriage problems, and maybe you'll start thinking about things he could do better.
Junaid Ahmed 18:09
Yeah, absolutely. And those are those are some excellent, excellent points. And, you know, we mean the Bible, you know, the Word of God, it's, there's so many lessons there. It's, it's amazing. Yes,
Steve Sullivan 18:23
tons of wisdom for sure. Well, when I come back to on a gentleman probably, last point would be Gettleman our time and you know again that kind of a circular thought there between being aware of your surroundings. Yeah, and then taking actions within that ultimately result in you being kind to others in showing them that they mean something
that you don't just neglect them and push them aside. Yeah, you know, kindness has a power to it to acknowledge people and to make them feel valued.
Junaid Ahmed 19:01
Absolutely. You know, I'm going to talk about bees a little bit here in it that, you know, we think that the queen bee is the one that's running the entire colony, but it's the opposite. The queen bee is simply a servant leader, because the queen bee brings the pheromones that keeps the colony together, but it also lazy eggs, but those eggs don't just grow on their own, they need help. And that's where the worker bees come in. Now, worker bee only lives for six weeks and a queen bee lives for over two years. So you're like, wait, how's that possible? You know, it's, it's the worker bees that are helping the queen bee run the entire hive. It's it's pretty amazing dynamic that they have set up and it show it comes to show you know, it's it's the generosity of the worker bees that create this environment where everybody is equal and everybody respects each other. And that's something that something that we can learn from the BS to be the humans that we are
Steve Sullivan 20:12
back to Scripture. No Greater love hath no man than he laid down his life for another, you know,
all our veterans out there that are working hard. Oh yeah, guys, seeing their lives that we might live in freedom are exemplifying that action of yeah serving the community and the community benefiting from it and hopefully the community will remember to return that to them as they come home and embrace them and alone
Junaid Ahmed 20:47
absolutely absolutely good friend of mine I'm not sure if you connected with him john Meadows he actually he's a headshot photographer and for what veterans state he offered to do free hand Chantry photoshoot for the veterans, and he held the event or at valor pub, which is also a veteran run pub and all the people working there as well our veteran so it was a really nice gesture that he did. It was really cool.
Steve Sullivan 21:18
Yes. Sounds like
Junaid Ahmed 21:20
Yeah, well, if you're out here, you could have come getting a free headshot.
Steve Sullivan 21:25
I could use one that's for sure.
Junaid Ahmed 21:29
Noise Well, it was really good talking with you, Steve. Those were some excellent, excellent lessons. And we would definitely love to, you know, hear more of your wisdom and knowledge in you know, coming days with the 30 days of videos or, you know, however else that you can bring this excellent knowledge to the forefront because, you know, you know it God knows. And, you know, we see a lot of these individuals can definitely use different and the
Steve Sullivan 22:01
Well thank you, you know, having me on your program and, and giving me an opportunity to share thoughts that you know, I've had, and I hope that they help, you know, at least one person out there today and maybe more.
Junaid Ahmed 22:18
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, thanks again. Well, where can you let my audience know where they can find you. But
Steve Sullivan 22:25
you can find me on LinkedIn there mean I'm under Steve Solomon dash it all right.
Junaid Ahmed 22:33
Yeah, I'll drop the link to your LinkedIn profile on the show notes so people can get to your profile and get in touch with you through the platform.
Steve Sullivan 22:43
Great. I appreciate that. love connecting.
Junaid Ahmed 22:46
Absolutely. Steve, thank you so much for your time. You're welcome. We'll talk soon.
In the next episode, we get to speak with Juliette Herman, a partnership creator. Communication whisper, the founder of the three E's strategy. Embrace, engage equals to evolve to enable businesses to achieve goals. So tune in again to listen to Julia Turman.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
- LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/steve-sullivan-it
- Website : stevenlsullivan.fyi.to/steven-sullivan (Personal Website)
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/steven.sullivan1
Hacks to Take Away
- I help people look at their personal profile in terms of strengths and values, skills, personality, the things that make them unique, and also drive their decisions when it comes to things that they find enjoyment in terms of work or in relationships.
- If you have conversations with your kids and find out what’s really important to them.
- Intellection allows you to look at different thoughts, pull them together, and you’d like to reflect on them.
- Parents do not understand that the child has the strength to quickly adapt to different things and go in different directions. And what parents often don’t realize is, later on in life, that string may propel their child to become a great leader.
- It’s the artistic understanding of contrast of creating a focal point and various things like that, that are important in cover designs that the average person does not know.
- People who have the learner strength, have an insatiable curiosity.
- That confidence allows you to execute well. So it goes really well hand in hand with your execution strings.
Junaid Ahmed has been a user experience designer for over 15 years. As a UX professional, he uses the user-centered design philosophy to come up with solutions. Trust the system, it works!
“People say that we only live once, but I believe in living every day!”
Junaid has been interviewing people from all walks of life on his podcast Hacks and Hobbies.